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Last night I was watching a movie and upon seeing a particular scene I was suddenly reminded of surrendering your heart to Jesus and how difficult this can sometimes be. I will briefly introduce the scene without giving away the plot of the movie....
The film is about a young man (Dantès) who is just about to get a big promotion. But after being betrayed by his best friend, he loses everything; his career, his girlfriend, his father and also his freedom. On this, he spends years innocently in captivity. What keeps him going during this time is his hatred and the will to avenge himself.
Don't take the anger away from me
At one point, when Dantès has assumed a new identity (as the Count of Monte-Cristo), he meets his childhood sweetheart. She immediately recognizes him and tells him that she has always loved him. At that moment, the Count exclaims:
'No! Don't take the hate away from me. It's all I have left!'
Letting go is difficult. How it can seem that what you get in return is too fragile. I couldn't shake off the thought that it is often the same with us. It's hard to let go of what has built you up for so long. What has kept you alive for so long. What has helped you stay afloat. All those survival mechanisms, strategies, plans, emotions, thoughts. And then there is Love knocking at the door of your heart. And in order to open the door, you have to free your hands. You have to let go of things. How difficult that can be. How it can seem that you have a lot to lose. How fragile it can seem that what you get in return is too fragile.
But if you can look it over totally, like in a movie, you know that surrendering to love is worth so much more than surrendering to hate. That although it is more difficult, that it is also more vulnerable, it is truly life increasing. It is not the holding on to what you have and therefore impoverish, but precisely the letting go of what you have and therefore enriched become.
For man's anger produces nothing that is righteous in God's eyes. Therefore, be meek and lay aside all depravity and every conceivable misconduct. And so accept the message planted within you that can save you. (Jac.1:20-21)
And to close with a wonderful quote from C.S.Lewis:
'To To love something you must be able to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung out and possibly broken. If you want to be sure to keep your heart intact you should not give it to anyone, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully with hobbies and small luxuries; avoid any entanglement. Lock it safely in the vault or chest of your selfishness. But in that coffin, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken, but unbreakable, impenetrable, irreparable. To love is to be vulnerable.'