Choosing

I'll be honest, I thought I had made a choice for Jesus. All along. And indeed, I did. But I did not sufficiently realize that wanting to make a choice and actually deciding to do so are not necessarily the same thing. Or maybe I didn't realize enough that the decision is not a one-time thing, but you may choose to follow Jesus daily. Even stronger; even involve Jesus in every choice before deciding. After all, Jesus is not an "ideology to be accepted," but a person seeking your friendship. To live the Christian life in relation to God is something like actually and daily giving your life, in all aspects. I found this out when I emailed the following to a old friend:

'The desire grows stronger and stronger to be a follower of Jesus. With friendship and devotion and real communication. But, looking at my own life, I see how big the difference still is. If renouncing the material is still the easiest thing (easier than giving yourself away), that is not very hopeful for me.'

To this I received what I thought was the surprising response:

'Your desire, to be a follower of the Lord is getting stronger and stronger. Is it already so strong that you decide to do so?'

'You see, between the ideal and your own life, there is still a big difference. But that is not the problem. Remember this well: Jesus always starts from the point where you are now and does not make impossible unreal demands or conditions. For Him it is only a question of how firm and sincere is your decision to be His follower. The starting point must be firm, as in a marriage. Then Jesus sets out with you to make it a reality together with you.

This is the last blog in the series Have to choose, and I wanted to decide personally. After all and ultimately, it's about choosing.

God doesn't want something from us. He simply wants us.

- C.S. Lewis

All the writing means more than you might initially think. It means that eternal life does not begin from death, but has already begun now (the grave merely the passage to a new stage). That it kingdom of Jesus is not going to come, but already has its full beginning. Not to choose is also to choose and that there is also to choose between the "higher" and the "lower. You will have to take the leap alone to make a choice.

'To love anything, you have to be able to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung out and possibly broken. If you want to be sure to keep your heart intact you should not give it to anyone, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully with hobbies and small luxuries; avoid any entanglement. Lock it safely in the vault or chest of your selfishness. But in that coffin, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken, but unbreakable, impenetrable, irreparable. To love is to be vulnerable.'

- C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

See what you can decide on here

• This blog is part of a short series: Have to choose