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Sex is a beautiful and healthy thing. I think most people would agree on that. From a biblical perspective, sex is appropriate and good within a marriage. It gives depth and connection. It makes 2 people into 1. It leads to offspring through which lovers also become inseparable in their children (bloodline). And above all, it is a practical expression of love for each other.
And while most Christians will affirm that sex is supposed to take place within a marriage something appears to be going on. Many men (as well as women) watch porn and have difficulty getting rid of it.1 In this article, I want to discuss the addictive effects of watching porn.2
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To the question "Do all men watch porn?" I can give a short answer: No. Yet, I would venture to say that just about all men have experienced a shorter or longer period of viewing pornographic material in their lives.3
What I would like to describe in this article is the way out again. So this is especially true for those who are struggling to overcome an ongoing sin. You will see that this article is essentially about bondage with sexuality/porn, but can also be drawn more broadly than that.4 It will be about being bound by sin and a sinful lifestyle and how to be set free from it. For our God truly makes free ... right?5
The Bible makes it clear that everyone is sinful (1 John 2:4). Jesus himself also states it sharply by saying: "You have heard that it was said, You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you, every one who looks covetously at a woman has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Mat. 5:27-28). With that, it is abundantly clear that no one needs to exalt himself above another.
And doesn't Jesus also say "He who is without sin cast the first stone" (John 8:7)? But right after that surely also in verse 11: 'Nor do I condemn you. Go now, and sin no more from now on.'
This article is not about judgment, but an exhortation to a life with Him, a Spirit-filled life and a removal from a lifestyle of (persistent) sin.
We can sometimes join Paul in asking the question (Rom. 7): Why don't we do what we want, but rather what we don't want? The answer is in Romans 8. And it's a clear answer, too: You need God's Spirit. Do you want a Spirit-filled life? Or does sin remain more attractive than actually following Jesus? May I challenge you to move away from baking shortbread cakes, to begin truly filling Food?6 At the same time, it is realistic to calculate the cost. For following Jesus will cost you (Luke 14:28-32), but you will find rest because His yoke is soft and the burden is light! (Mat. 11:28)
| A wonderful idea of the moment is that good people don't know what temptation means. That is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it can be. After all, after all, you only know how strong the German army is when you have fought against it, not by surrendering. You find out about the power of the wind by walking against it, not by lying down. A person who gives in to temptation simply does not know after only 5 minutes how it could have been an hour later. That's why bad people, on the one hand, know very little about badness. They have lived in a "protected" environment by always giving in to it. We will only find out about the power of the bad impulses within us the moment we resist them. And Jesus, because He is the only one who has never given in to temptation, is the only one who fully knows what temptation means. (C. S. Lewis) | ||
The above text reflects well that we only know how far we have strayed and how strong the opposition is when you go against it. And what an encouragement to remember that Jesus knows more than all of us how strong temptations can be. He has experienced it more than us! As it says in 1 Cor. 10 12-13: Therefore, those who think they are standing should be careful not to fall. You have not yet endured any trial beyond human measure. God is faithful: He will not allow you to be tested beyond your strength. With the trial, He also determines the outcome so that you can endure it.
In English, instead of tribulation it says "temptation. That paints a picture on what is meant here: God does not allow more temptation than we can handle. Again, this is a powerful encouragement when you are facing temptation. At the same time, these words contain a warning: If God preserves us from temptations greater than we can handle, we cannot use our temptations as an excuse to keep sinning. Sinning is never a necessity for a believer.7
As it says in Romans 6: 10-12: By the death He died, He has dealt with sin once and for all; the life He lives has to do with God alone. This is also how you must consider yourself: as dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. So do not let sin reign in your mortal body, do not obey its lusts (...).
In the film Holy Rollers8 that I saw the other day (the movie is about an Orthodox Jew who is tempted by the "big money"), it came up that in the Bible book of Genesis, Adam had to give an account of his choice, stating where he stands before God ("Adam, where are you"). So we all have to give that accountability. It also became so painfully clear throughout the film that there is a sliding scale after your first and subsequent sin(s). This brings removal. This causes you to hide from God, as Adam did.
M. Montgomery portrays this so powerfully during a podcast: David did not wake up one day and think 'let me commit murder and take someone's wife that way' (Bathsheba / 2 Sam. 11). No it started with that he had not gone to battle with his men as was the custom. And that this gave him time to relax on the roof and saw a woman. And that upon this he went to inquire about this woman. And hereafter invited her to his place. Etc. It begins with small innocent-looking things. But it leads in the end to great sin(s)!
Ultimately it comes down to only 2 choice options: Do you seek rapprochement with God or do you choose removal from God.
The closer you get to Jesus, the further you get away from sin. The two are opposites and therefore cannot be together. (M. Montgomery)
Now that we are (hopefully) in agreement that bondage means removal from God and that you have to make your own choice about this, I would like to address why it is so difficult to stop sinning. I want to do this using different perspectives.
Not convinced yet? Then read on to see if you can spot patterns or send us a message.
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This is part 1 of a 5-part series: read more
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Footnotes:
1) In this article, I am addressing men from the perspective of readability. In doing so, however, I am not excluding women. I know from experience that women too can struggle with this issue. And perhaps it is even more difficult for them since the shame and stigma is many times greater than for men.
Furthermore, according to research by Tilburg University, H. van Dijk (26-02-2013, Reformatorisch Dagblad (RD), http://www.refdag.nl/nieuws/binnenland/christelijke_student_worstelt_met_porno_1_717963) that of the Christian female students surveyed (a smaller number than male students) engaged or engaged in self-gratification (59 percent) or pornography (30 percent). Of the male Christian students, 94 percent do or did engage in self-gratification. 79 percent of men who self-gratify have tried to quit. Furthermore, 90 percent have experience watching porn and 13 percent engage in it several times a week.
2) Regarding porn: By porn, in this article I mean (extramarital) seduction (pornographic material) in the broadest sense of the word, such as watching sexually provocative and sexually explicit material. And this for the purpose of satisfying yourself.
Concerning addiction: In regular health care, sex is not referred to as addiction (so-called sex addiction) but as (loss of) impulse control (obsessive-compulsive disorder). Although I partly agree with this, I think that, certainly in more extreme cases, it can be a matter of addiction since there is then serious neglect of the environment, dependence on the substances produced during sexual acts, loss of control and no longer enjoying sex but merely experiencing compulsion to commit the act. The decision by the regular health care system not to call it an addiction is also motivated by financial interests, since otherwise there would be other treatments and reimbursements.
3) Certain elements of this article apply to other addictive issues as well. Consider the bondage with nicotine or excessive alcohol use. The difference is mainly in the administration of addictive substances. But besides that, there is a lot of overlap. Just think about compulsive and emotional bondage.
4) Just read Galatians 5, for example.
6) To a quote from the following article: http://www.forihaveseen.com/NL/artikelen/jezus-volgen/item/hoe-god-het-hart-van-de-farao-verharde:
7) We are half-hearted creatures, fooling ourselves with drink and sex and ambition while infinite joy is offered to us. Like an ignorant child who wants to continue making sand cakes in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a vacation by the sea. We are far too easily satisfied. (C.S. Lewis)
8) R. C. Sproul, The Reformation Study Bible notes.
9) Holy rollers (2010), http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1143896/
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